Crouching Tiger, Hidden Cowardly Lion...

Sebastian opened his lunch bag and looked inside - peanut butter on whole wheat bread, salt-less Saltine Crackers and a perfectly sliced, cored and peeled crisp Fuji apple...yum! At the bottom of the bag, a note in the nanny's handwriting read, "All your favorites. I hope you have the best Birthday ever! Love, Nanny." Sebastian appreciated the sentiment and in all honesty, he'd had worse, though if anyone saw him, squatting painfully, smashed up between the row of prickly bushes and the cold, dirty brick wall of the maintenance shed, eating alone his birthday lunch, hiding from the entire school, no one would believe it, but he'd had worse birthdays. Sure, if one more kid ran up to Sebastian, patting hard his shoulders, screaming, "Happy Birthday!" into his ears, slapping his back side for one to grow on, just one more time, he would have screamed, well, figuratively screamed, Sebastian hasn't screamed for years, but he'd had worse. And how he hated being touched with those hands attached to little kids attached to germs and sticky things and things that stick to fingers when those fingers go sticking up their noses. But yes, sadly yes, he'd had worse birthdays.

Carefully, Sebastian smoothed out his paper lunch bag and set it on the bare ground with the intention to sit. He understood dirt in of itself is not dirty, it's what's in the dirt - the gum, the cigarette butts, the pee, but dirt is OK...as long as it didn't get on him. He would begin to sit then rethink his decision, then try it again, but in the end, he knew his end would remain forever off the ground. Knees shaking from squatting so long, Sebastian tried thinking the pain away, imagining himself at home, his parents driving up the driveway, running through the front door with open arms. Knees steady, Sebastian smiled and licked his lips, ready to bite into his peanut butter sandwich when to his surprise, a dark shadow wiped across the bushes in which he hid. His knees began shaking again and he wished to himself he would have sat, but it was too late, someone was out there, getting closer. Sebastian could hear footsteps slowly crushing the leaves, getting closer and closer and it was just a matter of time before they found him.

Sebastian did not breathe, he did not move, frozen he was as the footsteps stopped just a few feet from the bushes. Over his shoulder, he felt someone watching. Caught, he slowly turned his head and saw standing above him, Penny Nickels holding a bright red ball. Somewhat relieved, he smiled and their eyes met and for a moment, Sebastian thought she was about to speak, but she didn't, she didn't have to. His short lived relief quickly dissipated as Penny Nickels' face said all without saying a single word, "We are not alone!" Penny turned and Sebastian could see coming around the corner, grunting and squealing, the three little pigs - Teddy Green, Mark Lee Tappen, and Mark Lee Lloyd, brothers - same mother, same interchangeable personalities, same pink pimpled skin, same greasy slicked back, dirty blond tuffs of hair, all different dads, making their way towards Penny. Had they followed Penny? Why? Nobody follows Penny. For as long as she had been in school, everyone had made fun of her, but always from a distance, never up close.

Through the bushes, Sebastian saw the boys getting closer, their faces red and angry. "What's you doing, Penny Nickels?" shouted Mark Lee Lloyd, or maybe it was Teddy Green, which ever one it was, he looked pissed. Mark Lee Tappen or maybe it was Mark Lee Lloyd then shouted, "Give me back the ball, retard!" Penny turned and looked at Sebastian again and he recognized that bright red ball. Dodge Ball. It was the dodge ball from the most evil game ever invented, and it was now in Penny Nickels' hands, and the boys wanted it back.

Sebastian stared at Penny, pleading with his eyes for her to go away, but she just stood there as the pigs got closer. Teddy Green or maybe it was Mark Lee Lloyd laughed, "Maybe she wants to play Dodge Ball." They stood, just three feet from her, Mark Lee Tappen or maybe it was Teddy Green whispered, "What's you looking at in those bushes, Penny Nickels?" Sebastian's eyes grew. Penny looked once more at Sebastian, maybe she was hoping for help, maybe she was hoping to be saved, maybe she was hoping Sebastian would jump out of the bushes and scare off the pigs, making them run wee wee wee, all the way home, but Sebastian didn't know because he was not looking at Penny, the ground, the dirty, gum, cigarette butt and pee filled ground suddenly demanded his undivided attention. Penny turned slowly and faced the boys. She took the ball, raised it high and threw it far over their heads, far away from the bushes and far away from Sebastian Goodnight. Teddy Green or maybe it was Mark Lee Tappen screamed as they watched the ball roll out of sight, "Stupid retard!" They trotted after it and Penny slowly walked away, leaving Sebastian to enjoy his peanut butter sandwich.

From the safety of his hiding place, Sebastian watched the boys find the ball. From the safety of his hiding place, Sebastian watched as they found Penny. From the safety of his hiding place, Sebastian witnessed the one action that would change Penny's life at school forever. One of the boys, maybe it was Mark Lee Tappen, picked up the bright red ball and threw it directly at Penny Nickels' head. She did not dodge. And then one of the boys, maybe it was Teddy Green picked up the ball again and threw it again at her, and again she did not dodge.

Behind the bushes, smashed up between the cold and dirty brick wall of the maintenance shed, Sebastian watched the three pigs tear down Penny Nickels' once indestructible wall one brick at a time...and Sebastian did nothing, he sat quietly and ate his peanut butter sandwich, hating each and every bite.

It was his worst Birthday ever.